My Mom always loved lilacs. She loved the colour purple, the smell in early spring and the way the plant grew. I remember when I was about 9 years old she planted a small bush in our back yard on Slocan street. She wasn't much of a gardener, and didn't have much in the way of flowers growing (although she always loved flowers in all colours or kinds) so her venture into a long term perennial was out of her usual hobbies. The fact that we ended up moving a few years later meant she never saw the first blooms or got to smell the sweet perfume.
Funny thing is, when I turned 16 my old best friend came to see me and took me for a drive in her car. The two of us went down to the old house and found the lilac still growing in the garden. Being cocky teenagers we asked the guy working on the house if we could "take it" and he said yes! Out came a shovel from "J"s parents place, and we got digging. Not only did we transplant the lilac, but we also scammed the rosebush from the front yard as well! We drove back laughing to the house, dug a big hole in the front yard and plunked the lilac into it...
What I didn't know was that Dad HATED the smell of lilacs! In his younger days he had worked briefly at a funeral home, and the lilac smell always reminded him of dead people! Needless to say, although Mom was pleased to no end, Dad was not thrilled! That tenacious plant continued to grow and spread and bloom, much to Dad's disgust, no matter how it was treated! I would hack it back when I did the gardening, shaping it and pruning the height and learning about how it grew. I always loved it. After I moved away from home I would come back to visit, and the lilac was still in the front yard, bigger than ever. It always bloomed for my birthday, and I would cut bunches of the blooms to bring back to my apartment, and later to my house, even though I knew they would wilt quickly... but the smell was irresistible to me.
In 1994 my Dad had had enough and wanted to tear the lilac out of the yard. I asked if I could take it and my parents were happy to let me! My husband and I dug as best we could, wrapped a chain around the root system and pulled it out with the van! It barely fit into the back of the vehilce, and we tied red flags onto the branches that stuck out the back for the drive home from Vancouver to Maple Ridge. I gleefully followed in my mini van with the kids, and when we arrived back at our place my husband loaded the root system onto a dolly and wheeled it into the yard. We stood it in place, piled dirt on it, and watered it. Lilacs are tough. That old bush took root and thrived! And I had lilacs in my garden...
Every spring since then I would call Mom near Mother's day and tell her "the lilacs are almost in bloom".... and she would ask me to cut some for her and bring them so she could smell the perfume. After Dad passed and Mom moved into her little "granny apartment" I would make a drive to her place with flowers... sometimes the lilacs, sometimes just whatever I had in the garden... and later not so much. I would still call near Mother's day to tell her the lilacs were blooming, and I'm glad to say that last year I did bring her some. But this year as the lilacs bloom she isn't there to call. The tiny buds are hard and closed, deep purple and waiting for the warmth of spring to open into paler blossoms with that sweet, sweet scent.... it's nearly my birthday... but Mom is gone. And as I sit in my apartment missing her I realize that it wasn't so much the lilacs she wanted me to bring; it was just me. The lilacs were just an excuse, as if she didn't know how to tell me she missed me and wanted my company. And I'm sorry that I didn't take more time to spend with her.
So this year on my birthday I'm taking some time away. My first vacation as a single woman, because I will be divorced on that day, too. My birthday becomes my "rebirth day", and I will take time to grieve the passing of a chapter in my life while giving myself the opportunity to get away from the chaos and the clutter and take a breath. It has been a tough road. Sometimes I have gone off the path and slogged through a lot of mud to get ahead. But I know, this spring, there will be lilacs in the garden again. Happy Mother's Day, Mom.... I'm taking care of the lilacs....
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