How many of us have heard the expression "it takes a village to raise a child"? As I look back on my life and examine how I did things - and where I arrived at the end of the day - I am rethinking that expression and looking at it from a new angle thanks to my best friend "L"...
"L" along with "T" have been my guides through the last years, and also my mentors and supporters, especially in the turmoil that has come up in the disaster my life became. But sticking my head up my butt and trying to steer myself through this isn't an option, and I have stopped concentrating so much on my own petty crap and opening up to other people. When I look at my young family members starting their next phases of life I realize more and more what the term "village" really comes down to; family.
There is a difference between "relatives" and "family". Relatives are related by blood or marriage; family are the ones who support you when you need it most, rejoice in your joys and share your sorrows, and ones you do the same for. I am honored and humbled by the scope of my family, whether they are "relatives" or "family of my heart", as so many of you have become over the years. And with that thought comes another, which was first seeded by "L" and I am trying to embrace as part of myself.
It takes a village to support a marriage. Every village has it's stellar examples of what life can become, and it's cautionary tales of how badly things can go if you are selfish and self centered. It has it's leaders, it's "village idiots" and all the people in between that fill in the gaps and take up the slack to get everything done. We all need mentors, and being ignorant and prideful won't get you to the end of the road in any shape other than BAD! "L" told me once that the speech she would have given at the most wonderful wedding for my daughter (if anyone had asked her) would have been about just that; that it takes a village to support a marriage, and the village their marriage will grow in and be supported by was attending that evening; all those "family" members who gathered to witness and rejoice in the joining of families, the extension and growth of their "village". That is the group that will support through good times and bad... the "cautionary tales", "stellar examples", "village idiots" and just ordinary people who get things done... and love them both because they are "family".
I realize at the end of the day that pride, arrogance and ignorance were no excuse for some of the ways I did things, and at the end of the day I did end up somewhere "bad", but where I go from here will be different in a few ways. I am open to understanding how I have been selfish, and hoping that I can and will change that part of myself through constant vigilance. As well as the help of my own personal "village"... those people who, through blood, marriage or love have decided that I am worth having as a member of their own "village". And to them I will do all I can to be the very best I can be.
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