Why I don't internet date....

My Therapist - a very intelligent man - explained to me once that internet dating was filled with horror stories about bad experiences.  I know I'm not ready yet to step out into the world, but I figured it might be a place to stretch my knowledge and see what is up.... Whoa!  Not!  Talk about "bullshit meter" going off the scale!  You pop yourself onto a site and the first thing that comes up is.... hmmmm....  Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  So I got a friend - bless her - to help me retool my profile and got...  hmmmm..... more nothing.  Until you make the first move... then it's like throwing chum in the water and fishing for sharks with a live sheep on a rope!  The real sharks are always fishing for sheep and you will find them everywhere... I even came across one on Facebook!  But I like to think of myself as a goat, and I'm not following the rest of the herd into the pool just yet.


Now I don't object to sharks, per se;  they are fun to play with as long as you throw them back before they bite!  But it's the weasels and the douchebags I can't stand... Sitting on the computer doing a search with the criteria the website sets out... age, height, body type, yearly salary... It's like a resume and cover letter for a job posting, and the art of the "best lie" seems to take effect.  You can smell "cheap liar" a mile away.  Any guy who tells you he's a diabetic,  takes you on a four hour hike, doesn't eat and doesn't ask you to lunch afterward just SCREAMS "Weasel"...  Some are honest...  and honestly NOT something I would be interested in... like the last date with the guy who had three beers for his lunch.  I did meet a few stellar gentlemen, so it wasn't all bad... but no one that clicked.

It's like hanging out in a really sleazy bar.  Suddenly you get an "IM" from some guy on the other coast... You start to read between their lies... You're the first person they have IM'd here... They're always "widowed"... bet the wife isn't cold yet.. at least not cold enough to bury!  And they have kids who still "live at home".. so I bet they wipe the history every time they get off the computer.  They are Catholic, or Christian;  athletic, and looking for a woman between the ages of 30 and 80!  Come on, guys?   Really?  You expect me to believe your lines?   And if I had another 40something IM me as "babe" one more time I think I would have puked!

They want your yahoo account... so they can "IM" faster... I bet there's a "block mechanism" for inappropriate language... Or they "don't have a credit card" so they can't email to the site... so I just tell them my kids advised me not to give my email account to strangers...  and when you go look for a profile to check up on them, lo and behold, POOF!  It's gone...

It's really very entertaining, but it takes a lot of time.  Pointing out  that you're onto them is funny!  "Aren't I a bit old for your search criteria"... "No!  Age doesn't matter".. yeah, on the internet all "cats" are the same colour, aren't they?   You see a "well educated" line, but the IM uses the worst language... can't spell and the wording sounds remarkably "not my mother tongue"...   Their photos are incredibly young for the ages they list, although in one case the guy was using a *gasp* photo of the guy who played Han Solo in StarWars... really?  "You do know I'm on the other coast, right?"... "Distance doesn't matter!"... that's because the internet puts me right in your lap.... Well, buddy!  If you're looking for "cybersex" you can pull out your .... credit card on some other website and pay for it like anyone else.  I'm not selling!  Are all women on the internet that stupid, or do they just play stupid for fun?  We can't all be so needy that we put up with that, can we? So goodbye, internet dating....  My dear friend said this to me the other day.." the wrong guy makes a good woman messy"...  I am tired of being messy.  I'm working on being the best woman I can be, then maybe I'll be ready to pair up with the right guy.

So which one of my friends is going to send me out on a blind date when I get to that point?  Not sure, but I can wait...  It's better than the other options, and I trust those matchmakers a lot more than some dating website...It's pretty simple at the end of the day;  we can do things behind closed doors that no one else knows about, but isn't the measure of a person how they act when no one else is watching?  That is the true definition of honor and integrity.  We give lip service to it sometimes, but living it every day makes us who we truly need to be.  Strong.  Moral.  Self assured.  Courageous.  And hopefully, ultimately, happy.